Leaflets, Big and Small

What Do the Leaflets Do in April/May/June?

Whenever I’m bored and have nothing to do, and my belly button is clean, I allow my mind to wander and wonder what on God’s green earth do the billions and billions of Leaf fans do when all the talented and dedicated hockey teams in the NHL are still playing in the second season. I’m almost certain that, given the fact that the Toronto Maple Leafs have now missed the playoffs for seven consecutive seasons, the leaflets have many other options to pursue. For example, there is gardening, bird watching, soul searching and, of course, golfing.
What does the Leaf Nation talk about during these quiet times in their lives? Do they talk about how awesome the Leaf management will do during the draft in June? No, that can’t be considering how absolutely pathetic Toronto is in picking top talent for their talent-short team. Actually it is quite difficult to gauge how bad the Leafs are at picking hockey talent. Their team is so bad; their head coach is not particularly liked by anyone, especially young players, that even if these kids had some major upside they would have to demonstrate it with another team after they prove to be a bust in Toronto.
I wonder, if perhaps, the Leaf Nation actually watches the Stanley Cup playoffs and fantasizes about what ifs and if onlies about their decidedly inept club? The many leaflets I’m acquainted with are split as to who does and doesn’t watch the second season. Those who do invariably whine about how the Leafs are a much better team than the ones they are presently watching. I know, it is sad, indeed. To be honest, however, there are a few, but only a few of my close friends who actually are acutely aware of how bad their team is. They alone make no bones about how far, far away the Leafs from being contenders of any stripe for Lord Stanley’s Cup.
It’s funny that I can pinpoint when all the leaflets began to see their beloved buds as perennial Stanley Cup contenders: it was the years that Doug Gilmour played for Toronto. Up until then, you couldn’t find a Leaf fan that was suitably droll about the Leaf chances. You know, they were actually enjoyable to be around because you could kid them and rag them and they were cool with that. Alas since that time in the early to mid nineties of Gilmour’s reign, Leaf Nation now believes somehow, someway that their Leafs are just that close to being viable contenders. Alas, again, no non-Leaf fan believes a word of it. Why?
Look at the record; look at their incredible incompetence in drafting quality young prospects; look at their horrendous trades, whereby they bring in aging stars who immediately succumb to Leaf disease and forget totally how to play defensive hockey; look at their anemic record of hiring the right coach and general manager to guide their sorry collection of hockey players. Need I go on? The Toronto Maple Leafs have been and continue to today to be a franchise that is long on fan support and exceedingly short on talent. General Manager Brian Burke has done nothing to change that despite his many and vociferous comments to the contrary. Seriously do you really think the Leafs will have what it takes next year to make the playoffs?
Once they begin to improve, if it actually happens, other teams will begin to take them more seriously, thus they will play much harder than they do now against the Leafs. For many years now the Leafs have had to rely on the overconfidence of their opponents to sneak in a few extra wins.
Speaking of wins, Leaf Nation is alone among all sports fans in their misguided belief that a three- or four-game winning streak in November is somehow indicative of the Leafs wonderful chances to win the Cup. It has happened yet; it hasn’t even come close to happening, but, alas, the leaflets fall for this dodge every single season without fail. It’s amazing really that a team this mediocre with virtually very limited future prospects continues to delude itself in an annual fashion to the extent of their wonderfulness. Amazing, indeed.